Sunday, January 15, 2012

A Broken Spirit’s Road to Happiness…

Sometimes do you feel like you are wandering in life without specific purpose, only to find out that the road you’re on is on its way true happiness? Well, that is has happened to me and I would like to share a story with you.
My first step on that road was a rocky road. It definitely wasn’t paved with a path of pretty little bricks laid in perfect imagery. I was a troubled little soul, more than most people knew. I actually kept that deep inside me. Torn away from my mother at a very early age had huge ramifications that no one would fully comprehend.
My father, almost full blooded American Indian, and was a wild young man. When he got a hold of fire water, watch out! He went from a sweet, laid back guy to a raging manic. His temper would flair and cause havoc on us. I won’t go into the details but it wasn’t a pretty sight.
His temper got the best of him one day and convinced his family to run my mother away. Okay, just imagine being almost 4 years old and your mom, was taken from you. You don’t have her anymore and you don’t know what happened. Everyone around you acted like nothing ever happened. No one mentioned it; no one wanted to hurt this little girl. Maybe they thought that if they didn’t speak of it, then they wouldn’t hurt her.
Well that was further from the truth. My spirit was broken and nothing could fix it. No matter how much I tried to be happy, no matter how much I tried to act like I was enjoying my life, nothing, no one could heal my broken spirit.
That road took some pretty crazy turns, from my adolescent years, teens, young adult and into motherhood. I was always trying to find gratification in everything thing I did, but I still had a huge void that couldn’t be filled. My relationships with men were never satisfying and I had a couple of failed marriages. When my son was born, it was the first turning point for me. However my marriage was in a crisis and it was a struggle to find peace.
My son is truly the light of my life. The first day that child graced my life, I finally felt true love. There isn’t anything more incredible the wonders of having a child. From the moment you feel them for the first time inside you growing, to holding them for the very first time. That is one of life’s most incredible moments. I believe that my son was the first step I took onto a road that seemed to take me into the right direction. It gave me my life’s purpose.
When my father fell ill with cancer, I was in a really dark place, my world was upside down. My marriage had failed, I was out of work, I lost my house, I was trying to be with my father when he died and look for work driving back and forth from Texas to Missouri. I was trying to find a way into the light. Hence the nickname I received from my friends at the lake “Stormy”. It was fitting, Stormy Cloud. It stuck and now it’s a name that I proudly use as it shows me just how far I’ve come from those turbulent times.
It seems as if my life really took a different road when my father passed. It was as if the one thing that scarred me for life has passed and opened up a new way for me. A new road...
Fast forward a few more years and a simple note through Facebook from a long lost sibling and what a difference my life is now that I have my family in place. I was on vacation a couple of years ago and got a notice that someone was trying to contact me on Facebook. I was blown away to find out it was my little sister.
I can’t tell you how great that felt to get that message. What is really crazy is when I was driving to my vacation destination, I knew in my heart that we needed to be reconnected. I was talking to my son about it on the drive and then two days later…I received that email notification. I was so grateful that it had happened at that moment. My energy was passing through me right to her.
I’ve re-established my relationship with my mother. It is as if I have found my soul mate. On a spiritual level it is something that I can’t describe to you. That little girl lost has found her mother and little sister. All of the years of unhappiness are fading away and I finally feel as if my life has new meaning.
Over the past two years, my heart is healing and I can’t imagine my life now without them now. All of the years that I felt like a lost soul, has vanished. I have never felt more comfortable and at peace. It’s unfortunate that some people, who have known me for years, do not understand how this has impacted my life and how important it is to me to have peace. Sometimes people are more concerned with their own feelings that they don’t see how it affects others.
So if you feel as if you are lost, just remember…NOT ALL THAT WANDER, ARE LOST.
May the powers of universe bring back to you what you have lost. May your spirit be renewed and your lives have new meaning. For if you believe in magic, it will find you.
Thank you for reading and looking into my little world… I hope my story can help others reconnect and find joy.

1 comment:

wicky said...

Wow! I love you sister, I never gave up and how thankful I am, as well as momacita, to have our circle complete. The world is our oyster ;) xo